Tuesday, August 11, 2009

I awake to the sound of rain outside my window and the taste of vomit in my mouth. My first full night of sleep in three days. Inevitably, during one of the 4 flights over here the airlines lost my bag with clothing, gifts, toiletries and the hard drive containing my life's musical work. My first day, yesterday, left me bewildered, confused, exhausted and somewhat depressed. Not just being in a far away place, but just feeling far removed from humanity in general. Now, I wait. Wait for school to start in two weeks. Wait to restore my body to a normal sleep pattern. Wait for my fucking suitcase with over half my shit in it. Wait for re-engagement into society, albeit not my usual one. I guess none of it really matters..that's the point. I'm alive, and really nothing else matters too much. But life itself is inherently devoid of meaning. Rather a white linen which picks up the colors and tints and threads of everything it comes into contact with. On the upside, my mouth has regained almost a whole third of its function after having 4 wisdom teeth pulled last week. I have completely rejected the notion of luck, as that is all a matter of opinion; a scapegoat for when we try to inject to much meaning into things. Is it that we give meaning to the things around us as humans, or that they do that to us. Or both; or neither. I am stationary for the first time in nearly 2 days and my head spins like none other. So now, I will wait...and wait...and wait...